oh, love

I was asked today to help a student write a love poem. He met a girl and wanted to impress her. I told him, I'm not sure poetry will do the trick. I typed "World's worst love poem" into google and came up with is poem written by a teenager for his English teacher. This young man probably has all the ladies. That's the way karma works

If I were you, in love with me I would be,
While we're together, I rarely go pee.
The only reason that I must restrain,
For when I'm left from you, I feel so much pain.
But not the pain like a kick in the junk,
More like the pain when I lose at Kerplunk.
If we every broke up, I'd be oh so lost,
Probably from all the pornography costs.
As much as I love to watch women get wild,
You're the woman I want to carry my child.

You're more gorgeous than vomit, your hair is so straight.
Together forever, wouldn't that be great?
For my feelings for you, how powerful are,
I'd drive a kilometer...isn't that far?
The way that you smile while we eat our meals,
Nicer than Eskimos murdering seals.
Your hunchback is pretty, so pleasant and plump,
Unlike the hemorrhoid that covers your rump.
I can look past that, the pusing and spewing,
As long as the kinky dates don't involve chewing!

I think now, my love, you know how I feel.
I'd rather kiss you than watch human flesh peel.
If I could take you out for one more night on the town,
It would be more fun than guessing who's poop has more brown.
So give it some thought and then let me know,
If you love me as well, if so we will go.
We'll leave this place fast and go travel together,
Please pardon my package, as it must be cold weather.
The thing that I find I love most about you,
Is your humour is funnier than Winnie The Pooh.
Well, maybe not Winnie himself, exactly.
But possibly where he gets honey from...that tree!
Yes, it is true, your humour excels,
That of inanimate objects or wells.

More compliments, yes, I could go on for hours,
But after thinking of you, I must take a cold shower.
Not for those perverted reasons you think,
But merely because it feels good when I blink.
I'll end this poetry session right now,
I truly do love you, more than a cow.